C o l o r s O f M y L i f e

Gratitude

2009-08-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

the night when muslims are blessed with forgiveness

2009-08-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

Nisfu syaaban is fall on the 15th day of syaaban (the month of Islamic calendar). Muslims are urged to recite surah yassin and pray for forgiveness on this special day. As a normal people, we've done a lot of wrong-doings either it is done intentionally or unintentionally. Thus, the opportunities given should be fully-utilised and iAllah we'll be blessed now and hereafter.

sometimes, i kept on thinking how people can change from being such an adorable child to a disgrace son/daughter. although i might not be the most virtuous daughter of my parents, but still i dont have the guts and courage to disobey any of their orders or advices. their unshown loves for me has been showering my life all this while. therefore, it makes me feel sad to see others who let their parents cried and worriedsick for their bad attitudes.

As ramadhan is approaching in just few weeks, let us be more rational and be yet wiser to ask for His forgiveness. Allah swt has always open His door for any prayer of appologies especially from the Muslims. Seeking Allah's forgiveness is all we have to do ....

From Anas, radiyallahu 'anhu, who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, say:

"Allah the Almighty has said: 'O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and hope in Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds in the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I shall forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with an earthful of sins and were you then to face Me, without having associated anything with Me, I shall grant you an earthful of pardon.'"

[Recorded by Al-Tirmidhi, who said that it is a good and sound hadith]

I'm just hoping to become a better person each day comes...

15 Syaaban 1430H :: 5th August 2009

Lepaks with ex-studiomates

2009-06-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

chegu aka faizah, one of the fab5 has been offered a job as an analyst in bangsar. She was previously doing her masters degree in urban design in UTM. to celebrate her comeback to klang valley, we planned to meet at bangsar and had a dinner together at Delicious, BangsarVillageMall. Lot of things to catch-up as its been quite a while since we gotta the chance to hang out with all the five of us were there. Actually, we started to be closed since we were the only girls from the same batch in our studio. The others are our senior as they did their foundation studies for two years. This friendship really made my days during my four years back in IIUM. Thank you guys for being such dearie and lovely friends. Cheers!!!

a D.R.E.A.M

2009-06-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

I dreamt of a tooth loss last night. Thus, the 1st thing i did this morning after swithchin on my pc was googling for tafsir mimpi.And the meaning of my dream makes my heart like bursting into pieces... im so worry like hell right now... i know that we shouldn't believe it 100% right? but, what if it really happens to my family? im so scared and i have no idea how to prepare myself... i have never ever ready for any lost especially among my family members. Ya Allah, if this is really going to happen, help us to face the qada' and qadar with a strong faith in You. ammeen.

Irresponsible

2009-06-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

i had a meeting/presentation to attend today in shah alam and after about 40mins of driving plus 15-20mins of wandering around the town centre itself (sesatlaa...) , i finally reached the venue; Bangunan Darul Ehsan. i chose to park in a legal parking area as the last time we had a meeting there, my boss got two summons for parking illegally at the roadside in front of the building. actually xberniat nk parking sesuka hati but we were already late for the meeting that afternoon. the parking cost me rm2 for an entry. i went straight into the building as it was already 8.54am and the meeting should be started by 9.00am. i was alone, so there's a lot of preparation to be settled for the presentation. as i entered the department @ 18th floor, there were only a caterer who was preparing the foods and a man in a blazer who was sitting in the waiting area. but,,, where the hell was everybody else??? the troublesome local authorities and the blurr staffs who supposed to handle the meeting.. at first, i thought mybe they are already in the bilik persidangan but...it is quite impossible for them to start the meeting earlier than the stated time. (sorry, im not trying to insult the government officers here but just accept the fact that this is the reality, they are just like that.mybe it has become a habits and norms for government servants in malaysia to be as lazybums as i am.so sad and pathetic!) a lady was there and she asked me where im from. then i asked her about the meeting and do you know what???

" the meeting has been canceled. how come you've not been informed?"

and there i was..standing with all the shit words crossing my mind and just waiting for the right time to blurt it out.. when i told them that we didn't received any memo about the cancelation, all she got to say is "sorry sgt2... baru cancel semalam and sy busy inform semua PBT.tp sy terlupa nk inform consultant. hmm, jom pegi minum dulu".. weehhh... igt i ni like the other typical gov staff ke kuar minum pukul 9++am. perasaan sgt gila mcm nk meroyan jek rasanya...huhuhh...

moral of the story: please, please, please be more responsible la people. you're wasting our time especially for us yg sgt bertungkus lumus mencari rezeki.

Everything happens for a reason

2009-05-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

I've been doing lots of thinking for the last few weeks. A lot of whys???? were blocking my mind and it reached to the stage i was crying and begging;

"Please, please, please dear God,
please assist me to the most righteous path of my life,
i know i did many wrong things in the past,
i've worked hard to make me a better person,
but please, please, please dear God,
please make me understand for what is happening,
there is a REASON"

I am neither a strong nor a tough person. I need guidance and advice from others. Although some of them who are close to me might think that i look like the most persistent people living on earth, the truth is i am the most dependant people of all. All these days i was faking my true feelings as i have problems of trusting and confide in no one including my family members.

Today, the principle that i bear in mind is that there are others who suffers greater than me and therefore, I should always be thankful for what I have now as EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. God knows better and InsyaAllah for every trials that He gave me now will make me a better person in the future.

Kamsa hamnida

2009-05-22T03:36:00.000-07:00

For the special dedication

I'll be strong and your La Tahzan book is with me. =)

a meaningful random question by a brilliant niece

2009-05-10T19:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my niece made a phone call to her beloved tok abah. she was talking non-stopped and asking for everybody in the house.

Sister (obviously she was the one who dial the no): hello, ayie, abah ada?

Me: ada, tp dlm bilik air. mak ada kat dapur.

Sister: ok, bg pada emak.

Emak: hello... (byk kali)

Nina: hello tok mak... bla..bla..bla.. (and all the thousand questions)

Emak: tok abah? jap ni tok abah nk ckp

Abah: bla..bla..bla.. maksu? dia xde. ma ngah? jap...

Me: hello.. nina. bla..bla...

and the random question pop-out...

Nina: ma ngah xde hphone ke?

Me: xde (liar ;p). knape?

Nina: mama kite ada...

Me: (monologue.. whats your point budak kecik??)

then after couple of questions she asked (padahal dah ulang soalan yg sama), i passed the fon to abah..

after she hung up...

Me: knape dia tanya ayie ada hphone ke x?

Abah: sbb ayie xpernah call dia la...

Me: oh, pity nina ada ma ngah mcm sy...

p/s: to nina ~ i hv always love you even thou i dont call u la dear.. kicik2 sudah suka bergayut.. adeiii..

S O L I T A R Y

2009-05-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

Being or feeling alone is one of the saddest places to be. You can have all the money in the world but if you don't have anyone to share it with, you have nothing. The need for human companionship is universal. In ancient times, people stuck together because they literally needed each other to survive. In today's world, we tend to spread out and live more isolated lifestyles. In some ways this is a luxury. In other ways we had it better when we lived in close proximity. Humans are creatures of community and need each other for companionship.

Hold Me © Chula

I'm hurt all the time.

I don't want to cry for the way I feel inside.

I just want someone to hold me...

I'm alone in the dark, please try to find me.

If no one cares, I don't see a point to go on.

Anyone find me! Anyone care!

I'm sorry, I just don't want to be alone anymore.

I feel unheard and unseen.

Depressed and weak.

No one cares and yet I'm always the sorry one.

Someone find me! I'm scared.

Please hold me until it all ends.

Just hold me that’s all I want.

I don't want to be alone in the dark.

Just hold me as I start to disappear from the light.

Just hold me as I start to cry.

Just hold me so I wont be alone inside.

Just hold me so I don't do something wrong.

Just hold me so tight,

that for a moment I could feel the light....

I had been there before (PART 1)

2009-05-02T18:26:00.000-07:00

I have always enjoy traveling just like others do. I like the feeling of being a stranger to the place, with maps in hand and helps of the local people as guidance. Here's the story;

I was really down when my name wasn't listed in the architecture department but instead, i was named in the department of urban & regional planning. I was frustated like hxxx as I had been wanted to be an architect since I was in standard six. I still remembered how the decision to be an architect occured my mind. It was a fine day in the classroom of 6 Dahlia, SRK Convent Muar and the exact year was 1996. There was no teacher in the class and the girls were busy doing their own things; chit-chatting, reading story-books, UNOing, studying (only nerds were), pondering, drawing/designing (and that was me with my good buddy; Mas). We were so preoccupied and berangan to open a nursery for the little ones. We even designed the building plan. That day was when i was so determined that im gonna be an architect one day! yeah, kids gotta dreams on what they want to be when they grew up, rite?

(Now, back to the reality). Since i was admitted to urban planning department in the prestige uni of International ISlamic University of Malaysia, better known as IIUM, I had prepared myself to be strong for any prospects that would lie ahead that gonna make me who i am someday. One thing that i felt grateful and enjoyed the most for being an urban planning student is the opportunites to travel in various places surrounds the world! (yeah, not the world lah, only in Malaysia but once in Australia). Sy sangatttttttt suka melancong la kawan2... geezzz.... (big grin & smiling to ears).

These are some of the photos of me and friends at some of the places that i had been before. This entry is dictated as Part 1 as i'm so sure that there will gonna be Part 2,3,4,5,6 and etc. hehehe..

Our 1st year trip:

Putrajaya the administrave centre

Malacca the historical city

Janda Baik, Pahang

Genting Highlands (went there during our semester break)

***

2nd year trip:

Bachok, Kelantan

Pontian
(with my foster family)

Ulu Yam, Selangor
(the facilitators: Motivational camp for 1styear students )

Penang

Langkawi

and here we come.... Aussie trip (the best & memorable trip ever).. that's why i decided to uploade more photos here. hehehe...

upon departure at the aiport
(everyones seems so happy & eager to fly)

Sydney

China town

Hyde Park

on ferry

on train
(i had always wanted to put speech bubbles to this photo.. ehehe)

horse back riding
(muka cuak gile .. btw, this handsome horse was called Jet)

As this trip was meant for an educational trip, we did visited several important & significant places like Sydney Town Hall, homestay farm, the zoo, Blue Mountains and National Capital Authority of Canberra.

Sydney Town Hall
(with a miniature of Sydney city centre)

Sky crappers of Sydney

Sydney Opera House

us with the owner of the farm. he was such a humorous guy. We did the horse back riding here.

at the zoo...

The natural elements...
Tulips

The legend of three sisters in Blue Mountains

Canberra

all of us in Canberra the capital city of Australia
(i used to think Sydney was the capital city)

and finally it was over... m so sad...

back to Malaysia.

Cherish my love;

Fae & memories...

Chicky niece...

2009-05-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

I still cant sleep and i bet tomorrow all of the plans will be either cancel or postpone! ahahaha... sorry c-la! (oh, btw, she's my housemate). As i had posted an entry about my nephew earlier, i suddenly felt unfair that i haven't introduce my other beloved niece to all (oh, is there any "all" out there??) oh, sungguh ku xpeduli! im just trying to be a good, nice, fair, beautiful, brilliant, (oh enough pls), ma ngah to both of them.so, this is the most recent photo of nina;

TADAAA....

hyper nye pompuan nih..

so busy acting like she was master of the game.. ahaks

she even asked me to imitate her

I love tasya or nina or kakak or whatever she called herself...

mmuaaaahhh...

Cherish my love;
Fae aka ma ngah tasya.. XOXO

Its just that i love reading other's blogs

2009-05-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

The reason why i started to blog was because i love to google and read (and then make it as bookmarks) other blogger's pages.. i am so addicted to know other people's life story and who cares whether i know them or not??. it's so amazing how these people can really write about their true feelings and life-stories and share them with people like me who just cant live without reading her favorite bloggers. it's like getting to know strangers without having to make them realize that i've read their stories. ehehee... sounds like "am i a stalker??" yeay! (*big grin*) Eventually, my passions to read other's blogs has made my own blog fill with emptiness as my life and days have been instilled with theirs. I'll try my best to recolor this so-called dull page of mine although i've already awared that nobody is going to read them. ouch,,, like i care?? ehehehe..

Its 3.09 in the morning, May 2nd 2009.

I'm still wide awake and thank God i've 2 more days off.. i feel so blessed!

Cherish my love;
Fae & her hopes...

Few hours before i'm 25

2009-03-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

Age is just numbers that we count every year and keep on adding one yr after a yr the day of our birth comes. Many people react differently when talking about their age or harshly being said "how OLD r u?". For me, age is not just numbers.It reflects how matured you have been and how do you really have the mind/way of thinking of the other people with the same age or might be older..Most people said I look younger than my age and i was flattered with those compliments althou it irritates me somehow to know that i still look like a lil'-naive-schoolgirl. Tomorrow i'll have to add up one more year to myself.. "25 or twenty-five" sounds old, matured, aged, grown, adult and yet lively to me.I wish for myself "Happy 25th birthday & expecting for many happy returns in life.. hope this year will be the year that i've been waiting for; a life-changing". May Allah s.w.t grants my every wishes and I thank Him for every opportunities given. I hope i'll be full-prepared when my time comes. Ameen.

I just adore her voice and songs. Enjoy Yuna with her Blue Sands:

Oh blue sands, can you tell me if I ever be happy?
Oh blue sands, can I stay here forever?
Oh blue sands, can you make them all go away?
Oh blue sands, what are you doing in my hair?

And everything will get better if I stay for a while
And we’ll find another way to be happy one day
And everything will get better if you hold on for a while
And the sea come and sweeps us away from here

Oh blue sands, will I ever get to marry my handsome friend?
Oh blue sands, can you make them understand?

Oh blue sands, I don’t want to go up there and pretend
I’m okay

I don’t hate you anymore
I don’t hate you anymore
I don’t hate you anymore
I don’t hate you anymore

I don't hate you anymore for the way you remind me of the person I cannot be
For the things I cannot have
I don’t hate you anymore when I look at you
All I see is the blue waves coming to get me and take me away

I don’t hate you anymore for the way you remind me of the things I cannot have

Oh blue sands will I ever get to be like you.

CherishWithLove;

WhiteLavender, I March 31st, 2009.

Terribly Depressed??

2009-03-15T08:36:00.000-07:00

Depression is just like a decease. I bet there's none of us can get rid of it when the time comes. I am now, a this moment of writing this blog, is terribly depressed with the thing that i'm not dare to share with anybody else. Thus, i've gone through some pages from several selected websites on how to cope with depression in order to help me motivating myself and regain the level of my confidence..

This article is one of the best: http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-with-Depression

DETERMINE IF YOU REALLY ARE DEPRESSED? and what the causes...

a. Do I lack of motivation?
My answer; Yes, quite a lil bit i guessed at this moment.

b. Do I have trouble enjoying things that you used to?
My answer; Yes, the depression mood has somehow distracted me in enjoying things that I used to do.

c. Do I cry a lot?
My answer; My eyes is swelling into the size of a golf ball

d. Does it seem that nothing is really worth doing?
My answer; It's not that bad! I still can figure out things..

e. Do I feel that my life is meaningless?
My answer; Absolutely not. I haven't reached that stage yet and hope that such nonsences won't ever occur to my mind.

f. Do I feel confused and directionless in life?
My answer; Thanks to Allah s.w.t that I do still believe that He will always be there for me when there's nobody else would care..

Nobody is completely immune to depression, and clinical depression is a medical imbalance, which means that there doesn't always have to be a concrete reason for why it's there in the first place. You may cry for no reason. You may feel alone in the world though you belong to a loving family. Depression can strike anyone, so don't consider yourself immune to it.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

1. Get plenty of sleep In the modern world, there is an increasing problem of people not getting enough sleep.
- Yes I will.

2. Think about happy thoughts. Focus on the details.
- I'm trying hard!

3. Go out and do something you enjoy. Buy yourself something nice, or eat a good meal.
- Don't think this idea might help.

4. To get your mind off your own problems try to think of some way (big or small) you can help someone else. Keeping busy with other activities will distract you from focusing on your depressive state.
- I will.

5. Don't compare yourself to other people
- I just can't avoid this!

Compare yourself to you at your lowest point in the past and think about what's better now. Pat yourself on the back for it. If you think you're at your lowest point ever, then imagine one small thing (the tiniest thing you can think of) that you know you can make better. And then move on from there

6. Pray
- This is the first thing I did.

You may find solace in praying, or reading holy texts.

AM I TERRIBLY DEPRESSED? I guess so. There's a secret between me & God.

The only way to fill-in my soul

March 16, 2009 I 12.36am.

At last... phewww...

2009-03-09T00:38:00.000-07:00

TWILGHT by Stephanie Meyer

It's really hard for me to finish-up a book in a day or two just like I used to do during my school&uni years. It seems like my current working life has changed almost totally my lifestyle (practically and theoretically). I'm physically and mentally abused and exposed to computer-screens at most of the times. Thus, reading has became a once in a blue moon activity for me.It's not that i don't read at all, the fact is that my eyes can no longer absorb the pages with thousand words after spending the whole day in front of the pc at work. Now, I tend to close my eyes and just dreaming about anything (i'm not trying to be dramatic here, okay) rather than enjoying the stories&dreams of my fav authors that they had beautifully voiced-out in the books. However, i've tried my best to finish TWILIGHT despite of all the distractions. and I love the story-lines very much!It was a beautiful-impossible-love story.I missed to watch the movie while it was shown in the cinemas last time. When I did finally got free time to watch, I found that it was only left and available at Sunway Piramid (which is a waste of time to go there just for a movie and I am here in Setiawangsa!). Yesterday, i stopped by at the CDs&DVDs shop and they told me that the movie Cd/DvD is not for sale yet.. Of course i did hv the intention to buy pirate one at pasar malam and watch the download version but most of them said the quality was very bad. but today, at last! I succeed to finish the book and eager to watch the movie and continue to read the rest of the twilight saga.

~cherishMyLove~
WhiteLavender I 12RabiulAwal

the joys of being kiddos

2009-03-06T22:37:00.000-08:00

If only i have the abilities to rewind back my past time, i will definitely choose a different track from what have been chosen now. Its not that i have the guts to change the qada' and qadar written, but still i do feel that i had made mistakes in some of my decisions which brings to the who am I now. Being kids have always been the best moments of all. Got no worries and only happiness filling the rest of the days. I miss my childhood lifes and the memories of my beloved atuk (may Allah blesses her in heaven) will always remains in my heart. The new-comer of my small&happy familia is our cute and handsome boy; HAFIE. He is such an adorable little fella and may one day you grow up to be a good khalifa to this challenges world. Amminn..

~cherishMyLove~

WhiteLavender I March7th,2009

One of my bestest friend will be going far, far away...

2009-02-02T09:29:00.001-08:00

She and me used to share the same dreams, life-plans, good and bad moments together. I don't have many good friends and as time flies by, she is one of the best among the others. Common says; "friends in need is a friend indeed". Hope that our plans will keep-still going on the right track.. InsyaAllah.

~cherishMyL0ve~

WhiteLavender I feb3rd,2009

im a blogger now....

2008-07-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

It's started when I realized how much I love to read other blogger's pages. A lot have been written by these bloggers and in my own words their write-ups can best be described as words of self-expression. Most bloggers wrote on their personal matters@routines, feelings, problems, crisis, etc., BOOKWORMs prefer to write on book reviews/synopsis, general issues, current news, facts etc. while GOSSIPIANs just love to write gossips! However, frankly speaking, me myself read the gossip columns the most!!geez... ;p Ever since then, i have always day-dreaming of becoming~~ a BlOggeR.. however, the truth fact that kills me down inside is that "im neither a good nor a creative writer". I'm sucks with words! but then here i am still berangan to be parts of them... just accept the fact guys that i am a blogger now! :-)

~cherishMyLove~
WhiteLavender I July,2008